Transport for London
Policing and Enforcement
Conflict Resolution
Delegate Workbook
1
Conflict – Personal Experiences
Think of a recent conflict that you had or witnessed that was not
handled in a constructive way, what are the results of unresolved, or
poorly managed, conflict?
Think of a conflict that was handled constructively, what are the results
of well managed conflict?
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Levels of Conflict
CRISIS
INCIDENT
MISUNDERSTANDING
TENSION
STAY ALERT
DISCOMFORT
Conflict often follows a pattern, if we can interrupt the pattern early we can
avoid crisis and deal with the incident/interaction at a lower more appropriate
level.
People in conflict have often got there because both sides do not fully
understand the other persons position or point of view.
Sometimes we can feel challenged, embarrassed or guilty and then we get
defensive which leads to conflict.
The key is to “Stay Alert” to potential for conflict and also the earliest
opportunity to reduce or manage that potential.
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React or Respond
In fight or flight mode we are limited in our responses, we can only react. By using
the skills you develop within this training, you will gain the ability to choose a different
approach – response: you will be able to acknowledge what is occurring and respond
accordingly. By completing the exercise below you will begin to understand how you
can deal more effectively with conflict.
When I react in Fight mode..
Physical Reactions
Emotional Reactions
When I react in Flight mode:
Physical Reactions
Emotional Reactions
Ways I could create a flow response are:
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The Conflict Cycle
My
Attitude
Your Behaviour
My Behaviour
Your
Attitude
The way you think about situations and others has a direct impact on your
behaviour. Other people will pick up on your behaviour, and your non-verbal
communication (Body language), which will have an impact on their attitude
towards you and the situation. As you can see, this flow of attitude and
behaviour then becomes a cycle. This process is useful when we have
positive attitudes and behaviours, and can be destructive if our attitudes are
not so positive.
Remember you will be the person with the knowledge and skills to break the
cycle. How does your thinking, feelings, beliefs about the situation and people
involved influence this cycle?
By changing any un-resourceful attitudes or perceptions you can positively
affect the interaction.
What we expect is usually what we get. If you expect conflict when dealing
with others, then that is what you get more often.
Change your expectations and attitudes if necessary, this doesn’t mean it
won’t ever happen but you may be surprised at the result of simply changing
your thinking.
Note: as with any of these skills you must always be aware of your personal
safety, which must come before any other consideration.
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Perceptual Positions
Perceptual Positions is a way of looking at situations including conflicts from
three different perspectives.
st
1 . You, experiencing the situation as you.
The situation as you understand it, based on
your experiences, learning’s and knowledge.
This is what it is like for you in your model of the
world.
nd
2 . You, experiencing what the situation may be like as the
other person.
Taking a second perceptual position helps to begin to
understand the real purpose behind another person’s actions or
words. This might provide the key to the right communication to
bring about your or their outcome.
rd
3 . You, experiencing the situation as an independent
observer.
In a relationship between two people, third is often a good
position to adopt if something is not working. It provides more
information and allows you to identify the changes you need to
make to improve the relationship.
With these insights you can feedback to 1st position what they
need to do differently to achieve the outcome.
Think of a past conflict you had with someone this can be work related or personal.
Write down your perception of the event – Anything you thought, felt, what you
believed it was about, etc.
Write down what you think it was like for the other person, why they may have
behaved the way they did. Remember you are imagining you are them and they
would have had a good reason for doing what they did. Consider what you may have
been thinking, feeling, beliefs, etc. if you were in their position.
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Now, write down what a detached observer may have seen or noticed about the
interaction between you and the other person. If they had that “fly on the wall”
perspective how they would report the interaction went. What would they say about
you? What would they say about the other person?
Finally write down what the last person might say to you, what advice might they give
that would have made the situation better, or more manageable. What could you
have done differently?
Notes:
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Managing Personal States
Some situations can be challenging, and demanding, depending on our perception of
any situation, we experience different emotions or states. Sometimes we give them
labels like “nerves” or “excitement”. The labels or names we give these feelings will
have an effect on us. Consider that usually the thing we call “nerves” is created by
the same physiological response as “excitement”. Both are effects of our fight or flight
response.
Changing the label can be useful, change “nerves” to “excitement” and notice how
you think about it?
Emotional states can be anchored to specific things, people or even thinking.
Think of a smell you like or a favourite meal, a particular person or an event. All of these
will evoke particular feelings (emotional states).
Advertising uses the concept of anchors to get you to associate certain pieces of music
or images to their products.
Anchors happen naturally, and can be set up by you, (or someone else). If every time
you carry out an enforcement procedure you have an experience that makes you feel
bad or negative, even thinking about carrying out the procedure can put you into a
negative un-resourceful state.
This section is about managing your own state in conflict situations, the technique on the
next page can be used by anyone to create and manage a more resourceful state in any
situation.
Managing your state before, during, and after a potential conflict situation will reduce the
stress you may have experienced, and help you manage the current, and subsequent
interactions more effectively. This is also a way of managing the fight or flight response.
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Anchoring a Resourceful State
This process enables you to anchor a specific (resourceful) state of mind, that will then
be available to you at anytime you wish.
Decide on the anchor(s) you will use to set the state and re-trigger it in the future.
Ideally, an image, (colour, scene, person, etc.), a physical action, e.g. squeezing the
thumb and forefinger lightly together on one hand, finally, choose a word or sound or
something you can say to yourself that will help you access the state you want, e.g.
“calm”, “relax”, etc
Now follow this process
What state would you like to have? (Calm, confident, relaxed and alert, etc.)
Remember times in the past when you have been like this.
Think of one specific occasion and begin to relive that experience as if it is
happening now.
What are you seeing as you look around?
What are you hearing as you see these things happening?
What, if anything, are you saying to yourself?
How are you feeling as you relive this experience?
How do you know this feeling is increasing?
I don't know how easy this will be for you but what happens if this feeling increases
by, say, 10% … 20% … 50% perhaps? Or ‘turn it up, double it, make it even
stronger’, etc
As the state becomes more intense, set the anchor, hold for a brief period, let the
feelings, images and sounds get even stronger and release the anchor just before they
peak.
Desired State
Set your Anchors
Once it has peaked your
Here
state will decline, set your
anchor as it peaks.
Current State
Notes:
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Rapport - The key to effective communication.
Gaining rapport gives you the ability to work toward the responses you need, to get
across your message, and communicate more effectively. For there to be any
positive interaction in a communication (however slight) there must be rapport.
Communications between people at any level are seriously impaired if rapport is not
present and can lead to poor relationships.
Rapport exists naturally between people who ‘get on well’ or who ‘see eye to eye’.
As it is a natural state in which we all have skills, we only notice when it does
not
exist. Practice achieving rapport when it does not exist, this will enhance all types of
communication, including managing potential conflict.
The easiest way of understanding rapport is to observe it happening.
Mirroring and Matching
The areas we can mirror or match are:
o
Matching Body Language
o
Mirroring Body Language
o
Voice
o
Breathing
o
Language
o
Beliefs
By observing those who have good rapport, we can understand what to do
consciously when rapport does not exist between ourselves and someone else, or,
when we need to build rapport quickly and effectively.
When consciously creating rapport, choose a few key areas and match those subtly,
building rapport is not about mimicry, this will only cause offence and bring your
efforts to build rapport to a swift conclusion.
Be subtle in what you do, one of the easiest areas to match is posture or general
stance. Also observe blink rate and breathing, these are areas that you can match
subtly out of the other person conscious awareness.
Pacing
Pacing is engaging in a high degree of rapport that effectively allows you to enter the
other person’s map of reality, enabling you to engage with them, letting them know
that a degree of understanding exists. This normally occurs unconsciously and can
be very powerful.
When working with another in a conflict situation a key skill is to continue to pace
their experience, beliefs, values, etc., until you can lead them to find a solution,
different approach or resolution. Pace, Pace, Pace… Lead.
Leading
Having gained a good state of rapport you can change the state of others by
gradually changing your behaviour or communication, taking them with you. Leading
relies on the powerful desire of everyone to be and stay in rapport with those we are
interacting with.
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Examples of Sensory-Based Words and Phrases
Visual
Look
, picture, focus, imagination, insight, scene, blank, visualise, perspective, shine,
reflect, clarify, examine, eye, illusion, illustrate, notice, outlook, see, show, reveal.
Auditory
Say, accent, loud, tone, hear, ask sound, speechless, vocal, silence, discuss, accent,
quiet, shout, proclaim, rhythm.
Kinesthetic
Touch, handle, contact, hold, grasp, stress, feel, pressure, gentle, strong, firm,
concrete, push, force, grip.
Phrases
Visual
I see what you mean.
We see eye to eye
Show me what you mean
Let’s shed some light on the matter
It appears to me
Don’t let this colour your judgment
Auditory
Turn a deaf ear
That rings a bell
In a manner of speaking
Music to my ears
We’re on the same wavelength
Kinesthetic
Hold on a minute
Scratch the surface
Hold that thought
Going to pieces
Get a grip
Grasp the nettle
These lists are by no means exhaustive; please feel free to add your own examples.
11
Presuppositions
A presupposition is a linguistic assumption, something that has to be true in order for
a sentence to make sense. Either written or spoken.
You can use presuppositions to reinforce an outcome that you want, by assuming it
is true.
For example:
“
Before you pay the fine, we have to get some details.”
Here, it is presupposed that the fine
will be paid, and it is true that you have to get
some details.
“
After you have paid your penalty ticket, you will be able to
continue your journey,
secure in the knowledge you have a valid ticket.”
Here, providing it is true that they can continue their journey once the ticket is paid,
payment is presupposed.
Write out three sentences that presuppose the passenger will pay the ticket with a
note as to what you are presupposing.
Presupposes
Presupposes
Presupposes
Notes:
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Tips for Active Listening
Although not taught during the days training, active listening is a powerful skill in all
forms of information. These tips are included here for you to read and practice.
Many of us think we listen to others well, but most of the time we are not paying
enough attention to really understand what the other person is trying to say, or what
their real problem is. In a conflict situation, when stress levels are elevated, this
becomes even more of an issue. By thinking about, and practicing, active listening
with friends, family and colleagues, we can begin to utilise active listening, together
with the other skills you have learnt on this course, in conflict situations.
To listen actively you must:
Put the focus of attention totally on the speaker.
Reflect back, conversationally, some of the key words the
other person uses.
Repeat back your understanding of the situation, use
phrases such as, “Can I just check my understanding…”, “As
I understand it…”, “I think what you are saying is… is that
right?”
Notice non-verbal behaviour, are they relaxing or becoming
more aggressive, etc. Be aware of your own safety.
Manage your own reactions and concentrate on the other
person.
If you haven’t understood the other person tell them, be clear
with your communication.
Acknowledge feelings and stay with what is achievable,
solve the problem not the emotions.
Avoid baiting, encouraging or criticising.
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